


Sleepless Nights

by fallenangel860



Series: Moments [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Developing Friendships, Gen, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Past Abuse, Zuko (Avatar)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22981699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenangel860/pseuds/fallenangel860
Summary: As Sozin's comet comes closer, the gaang are having trouble sleeping. Sokka runs into Zuko on the beach and the two get to talking. It turns out, there's more to the firebender than Sokka could ever have guessed.
Relationships: Sokka & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Moments [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659397
Comments: 5
Kudos: 291





	Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not great at summaries but I hope you give this a try anyway. Forgive me for any issues or ramblings. It's only been partially beta'd. Please let me know if you like it.

Zuko sat on the beach and stared at the reflection of the moon and stars on the ocean. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn' notice he wasn't alone until a figure dropped gracelessly to the sand beside him. “You couldn't sleep either, huh?”

Zuko looked over at Sokka.. The water tribe boy's hair hung down around his face instead of tied back in its usual wolfs tail. “I don't know how anyone can sleep knowing what we're up against.” He sighed heavily. “Then again, maybe my problem is that I know what Firelord Ozai and Azula are capable of.”

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. “So... What are we up against?” Sokka's tone was somber but curious.

Zuko's expression hardened. “Ozai and Azula are ruthless. They'll stop at nothing to win their war. They won't care who or what gets in their way. They won't show any mercy, not for the Avatar, not for family, not for children.” His golden gaze burned into Sokka's.

Sokka hunched in on himself. “Are you sure? Maybe you can try-”

“Try what? Talking to them?” Zuko knew he was lashing out but he couldn't control himself. He fixed a steely glare on Sokka. “I've tried talking before. All it did was get me burned and banished. At the first war council I attended, there was a general who was going to sacrifice a battalion of new recruits as a diversionary tactic. I spoke up, I told him it was wrong to throw loyal citizens to the wolves knowing that they didn't even have a fighting chance. I thought I was standing up for my nation, our people. For that my father demanded I fight an Agni Kai. I thought I would be facing the general, but the truth was that I had to face my own father. I refused to fight. I fell to my knees in the middle of the arena and begged for his forgiveness. I told him I was a loyal son that I meant no disrespect, that I wouldn't fight him. I begged for mercy and instead he burned half my face off and banished me from home and said that the only way I could return was to fulfill a near impossible task when I was thirteen years old. Do you still think I could convince him to back down?”

Sokka looked like he'd just been slapped. Good. He needed to understand just how serious the situation was. Zuko didn't stop there. “When I was eight he told me that I was a disappointment because I was slow learner when it came to my bending. He told me that I was lucky to be born, that he wanted to cast me from the palace because I didn't have the spark that firebenders are born with. And Azula... she was a firebending prodigy. She called her first flame when she was four. Most firebenders can't conjure a flame until they're 6 and not until they've begun training. She's mastered lightening bending. She's manipulative and cruel and my father has always rewarded her for it. They only care about two things, themselves and power. There's no reasoning with them.”

Sokka was staring at him wide eyed. It made Zuko uncomfortable. He wasn't used to baring so much about himself, but damn if it didn't feel good to get out everything that he'd never spoken of before because of the shame it had made him feel. “My father will do anything he has to in order to obtain power. When I was nine Azula and I snuck into the throne room. We overheard our father petitioning Firelord Azulon to name him as his heir.”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “So that's how Ozai ended up being Firelord instead of your Uncle?”

“No. Azulon was angry that my father suggested forsaking uncle as heir to the throne. I don't know what happened after that. I left before I heard any more. Later though Azula came to my room. She told me that our father was going to kill me. She said that Azulon had ordered father to kill me, so that he could know the pain of losing a son. I didn't believe her. I told myself that she always lies.” Zuko was getting quiet now. “As I got older, I wasn't so sure. The next day Azulon was dead, my father was crowned as the new Firelord, and my mother was gone. I can't help but think that she did something... That night she came woke me up and told me that everything she did she did for me. I wonder if what she meant had something to do with what Azula had said.”

Sokka propped his elbow on his knee and rested his chin on his fist. He let out a low whistle. “That's insane. No offense, but your family is crazy! How are we ever supposed to win?”

Zuko shrugged. Honestly, he didn't know. He just had to hope that they could. “All we can do is have hope and trust that the Avatar can set things right.”

The two boys sat in silence, both staring out into the waves as their thoughts weighed on them. Zuko was beginning to regret bringing the group to Ember Island. It held too many memories. The halls of the Firelord's beach house were haunted by ghosts from his past. Sokka raised his head and opened his mouth as if to say something but seemed to think better of it and closed it again. Zuko had caught the movement in his periphery. “If you have something to say, then say it,” he demanded gruffly.

Sokka chewed his lip, reluctant to speak. “It's just, I always figured you got burned in a dumb fight with someone like Zhao or something.”

Zuko scoffed. “I'd never lose a fight to a guy like him. Actually, the last time I fought him, I won. It pissed him off so much that he tried to take a shot at me while I was walking away.” He couldn't help but sound a little proud about that win.

Sokka frowned. “Your dad really did that though? He burned a kid for defending a bunch of soldiers?” He was having trouble wrapping his head around it. Hakoda had never raised a hand to him or Katara no matter how much trouble they caused. He hardly even raised his voice. The idea that a parent could be so harsh and cruel to their own child was baffling. It made his chest ache for the fire prince.

Zuko narrowed his eyes. “You think I'm lying?”

“No! No. I just... It's hard to imagine someone doing something like that. Nothing like that ever happened back home. The whole village would have known and I'm pretty sure that if it did, that person would have been abandoned on the farthest ice floe without a parka.” Zuko shrugged. It's not like anyone was going to tell the Firelord what to do. “Didn't your mother do anything?”

Zuko bristled at that. “I already told you. She left when I was nine. There wasn't anything she could do!”

“No, I know. But, what about the other stuff? Did she know how your dad treated you? I mean she must have, right?”

The muscles in Zuko's jaw tensed. He was furious. He didn't care what anyone said about Ozai; It had taken him far too long, but he realized now how fucked up he had been and that everything he'd done had been wrong, but he would be damned if he let anyone speak a bad word about his mother. “Of course she did! Do you think my father cared enough to hide what he did from her? She did the best she could to keep the worst of his temper at bay. It's not like there was much she could do. He was the Firelord.” Zuko's head dropped into his hands and he dug his fingers into his shaggy hair. “I think it was a bad idea bringing you guys here. It's bringing too many old memories to the surface that are better off left buried.” He sighed. “I think if my mother could see the man I turned into after she left, she would have been so disappointed in me.”

Sokka laid a heavy hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Don't be so hard on yourself. You had your reasons.”

Zuko huffed derisively. “Yeah. Stupidly trying to gain the love and approval of my father and make him proud of me even after all the crap he did. How pathetic is that?”

“You were a kid, ok? What else were you supposed to do? You're a good man, Zuko. For what it's worth, I think your mom would be damn proud if she could see you now.” Zuko's cheeks tinged pink and he was thankful for the low light. It was embarrassing that the slightest bit of praise had such a noticeable affect on him. He smiled shyly. “What was she like?”

Zuko looked back at the beach house as though her phantom would come walking down the beach at the mention of her. “She was beautiful. Actually... Azula looks a lot like her... if she smiled more and didn't always look like she was going to eat your soul.” The boys chuckled. “She was nice.” Zuko couldn't help but smile thinking of her now. “She was always there for me. She never yelled at me or made me feel like I was worthless. She was the opposite of my father in every way.”

Sokka smiled. “It sounds like you were close.”

“Yeah. I think my father hated that. Whenever he berated me or,” he paused, “punished me, she would do her best to comfort and reassure me. I'd hear them argue sometimes. He said she was making me soft, that I would never learn respect or discipline if she kept coddling me the way she did. That didn't stop her though. She just told him she didn't care. When we were at home she'd sit with me in the palace gardens and read me stories and we'd feed the turtleducks in the pond. She seemed happiest when we were here though. It was probably because my father didn't join us very often. A lot of the time when we were here we could just relax and be happy. We'd play on the beach. My mother taught us to swim. She'd always take us to go see the Ember Island Players.” He let out a small wry laugh. “I don't know why. She would always sigh and shake her head all disappointed when they messed up Love Amongst the Dragons. That was her favorite play. She'd read it to me sometimes before bed.”

Sokka was wide eyed. If you'd have asked him what kind of person Zuko was Sokka would have said that he was a good fighter, that he was fierce and determined, and maybe a bit stubborn and pig headed, but he never would have guessed in a million years that he was the kind of person who fed turtleducks and enjoyed romantic plays and had a close relationship with his mother. Zuko had more depth than any of the gaang could have guessed. Sokka had thought that the softer, humbler Zuko, had been due to his Uncle's influence but now he thought it had probably been due to his mother. There was one thing that Sokka couldn't understand though. “Your mom sounds so... so normal. She reminds me of my mom, the way you talk about her. How in the Spirit World did she end up with someone like Ozai?”

Zuko frowned. “It wasn't by choice. My mother was a direct descendant of Avatar Roku. My grandfather thought that marrying Sozin and Roku's bloodlines would strengthen the fire nation., that their chicldren would be strong benders and formidable opponents to the enemies of the fire nation. I suppose he was at least half right,” he mused.

“Hey! You're a pretty damn formidable opponent. You always kept us on our toes.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “From where I was standing it seemed like I always lost.” Zuko stared out at the sea. “She didn't love him. I don't think she ever did. She always acted like things were fine but... looking back, I think she was nearly as afraid of him as I was. I think if she'd had a choice she would have refused him.”

Sokka scoffed. “Well she obviously didn't so she must have seen something in him at some point. I mean, my gran gran was arranged to be married but she wasn't happy about it so she left the village. Yue was supposed to marry the chief's son but she was going to call it off for me. Even you said she didn't refuse. There's always a choice.”

Zuko's face twisted into a sneer. “You really think she had a choice? Look at me. I'm proof that you don't cross the Firelord. The only choice she had was to go willingly or to have everyone and everything she ever cared for destroyed and be forced into the marriage anyway. Those were her choices.”

Sokka didn't want to think about the implications. Would Ozai really have gone to such lengths just to join Roku's bloodline and his own? His eyes wandered to the twisted pink scar tissue that surround the former princes left eye. Yes. If Ozai wanted something, he would make sure he got it by any means necessary. He wanted to believe against all hope that not everything in Zuko's life had been as messed up as it sounded. “But what about you and Azula?” His voice was getting higher pitched the way it did when he was desperate. “She must have like Ozai at least a little if she had you...right?”

Zuko barely turned toward him. He looked at Sokka from the corner of his eyes. His gaze was cold and humorless. “I don't know what passes for education in the southern water tribes, but I assure you that love isn't a necessary requirement for bearing children, and when you're the wife of the firelord you're expected to provide heirs to the crown.”

Any hope that Sokka had dissipated. “But that's-”

“Government sanctioned rape. I know.” Zuko turned away. “Sometimes I wonder how she could stand the sight of me or Azula at all.”

“Hey!” Sokka admonished. “You can't think like that, okay? She loved you. That's all that matters.” He put an arm around Zuko's shoulders. The older boy tensed up before relaxing into his friend's side. Sokka wasn't sure how Zuko kept going for all those years before he'd joined them. Everything Zuko had told him was so messed up, so completely different from Sokka's own life. He thought that if he'd been in Zuko's place he would have broken a long time ago. It was a miracle that Zuko wasn't an egomaniacal psycho. Somehow he'd managed to get through everything life had thrown at him and still come out being a genuinely good person. Sokka considered that maybe getting banished had been one of the best things that could have happened to the teen. After what he now knew of Zuko's past combined with the awkward boy he was getting to know, Sokka was convinced that staying in the fire nation under Ozai's control would have broken him. Getting away from the abuse, having his Uncle by his side to guide him, seeing the world and the effects of the fire nation's brutal campaign... it helped to shape him to be a more compassionate person than he could have been as crowned prince. Zuko had said that the Firelord thought he was soft. He was. And because of that he would have been crushed until all that remained was anger and pain. Ozai would have beaten him down and molded him with fire until Zuko was hard and unforgiving, the way a sword-smith heats and beats a blade to harden the steel, or he would have eventually killed Zuko trying. Sokka was sure of it. “I'm sorry, man.” It seemed pathetic and useless, but Sokka felt like he had to say _something_.

Zuko's face screwed up in confusion. “Why? It's not your fault my life is so screwed up.

“Maybe not, but I'm still sorry that you had to deal with that. No kid should have to go through half of what you did.”

Zuko scowled. Sometimes it seemed like he only had two modes: angry, angsty teen and quiet, awkward kid. “I'm not a child.”

Sokka understood. He'd told himself countless times that he was a man, a warrior... but in the end telling yourself something didn't make it true even if you wanted it to. He sighed heavily. “Yeah, you are. So am I, and Katara, and Aang, and Toph, and Suki. We all are. Just because this stupid war's made us all grow up too fast doesn't mean we aren't still kids. It just means that we never really got to just act like kids.” Zuko's silence was the closest thing to agreement that he was going to get. Sokka pushed to his feet and held out his hand.

Zuko stared at it quizzically. “What?”

“Come on. It's getting late. We both need to try and get some sleep.”

Zuko sighed. “I've tried and I can't.”

“I hear you, but I have an idea. Come on.” Zuko gave in and accepted Sokka's proffered hand. Sokka pulled him to his feet and the two teenage boys made their way back to the beach house. Sokka guided them to Zuko's room and urged the former prince to lie down. Zuko crawled under the blankets and turned toward the wall as Sokka wandered off down the hall.

Zuko closed his eyes but couldn't seem to relax. He started at the sound of the door creaking open behind him and turned to see Sokka squeezing through. He had a book under one arm and a candle in in a holder. “What are you doing?” The exasperation was clear in his tone.

“Get cozy. I told you I had a plan.” Zuko reluctantly settled back down and drew the blankets up over his shoulders. Sokka set down the candle on the bedside table. The bed dipped behind Zuko as Sokka sat down on the edge. There was motion and the sound of boots hitting the floor before Sokka settled himself back against the pillows. There was a rustling of paper. “The Dragon Emperor was a fierce and proud ruler...”

Zuko bristled. “I'm far too old for bedtime stories.”

Sokka shushed him loudly. “Shut up, close your eyes, and listen. Alright?” Zuko huffed in annoyance but didn't argue. “As I was saying, The Dragon Emporer was a fierce and proud ruler....”

Sokka continued on, reading through Love Amongst the Dragons, while Zuko listened in silence. Sokka read it differently than his mother had. Ursa had read the story to him in a quiet measured voice. Sokka's was deeper, though not by much, and he had a tendency to read the different parts in exaggerated voices, deepening his voice until it was practically ridiculous for the Dragon Emperor and speaking in a high pitched falsetto for the Princess. Zuko was pretty sure that he was being mocked with the raspy overly dramatic tone Sokka supplied for the dark water spirit. The corners of his mouth twitched up. He'd never admit it, but it was... nice. Before long the tension had melted away as he drifted into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Zuko woke as the first rays of dawn pierced the horizon. He was briefly disoriented by the familiar surroundings of his room at the beach house and the equally unfamiliar sound of soft snoring. He twisted around and caught sight of Sokka, slumped against a pile of pillows with Love Amongst the Dragons opened on his lap. His head hung down and a damp spot of drool was pooling on Sokka's tunic. Zuko winced at the uncomfortable position Sokka had evidently spent the night in. He didn't envy the soreness the other boy would have when he woke. Zuko slipped out of bed, careful not to wake his friend. He gently removed the book and set it on the table. He found a clean tunic and pants and left as quietly as he could to change and perform his morning meditation. Sokka deserved a little extra sleep.


End file.
